Friday, February 15, 2008

Weekly Wrap-Up

The King of Philly sports talk would've had Clemens for lunch



In a week that was light for developments in Philly, the big topic was the Congressional Hearings in D.C. The stars of the show were Roger Clemens and Brian McNamee. And, that eventful day certainly didn't disappoint in the entertainment factor.

Clemens was grilled by Elijah Cummings in such a way that it would make Sam Waterston's character on Law and Order cringe. It was uncomfortable to watch Clemens cowering to the Congressman from Maryland.

Now, if 610-WIP's Howard Eskin were asking the questions, one could fantasize about how he would chop Clemens down like a bonsai tree with a chainsaw. Now, let's suspend disbelief and picture Howard Eskin as a representative from PA. Instead of Jim Gerlach representing Montgomery County, it would be Eskin. Now, let's get a look at Eskin treating Clemens like one of his callers who "comes to the table" with no argument.

Eskin: Roger, do you expect the American people to believe that your best friend Andy Pettite misremembered a conversation?

Clemens: I'm telling you that's what I believe. He-he didn't understand or remember properly what I told him about what I said about my wife taking that HGH.

Eskin: Clemens, you are a moron and a dope. I should eject you from this proceeding, but I still have another 9 1/2 minutes to fry your ass! Moving along. You said that you didn't know about the Mitchell Report until it came out. But, we have tape of one of your flunkies talking to McNamee about how you and Pettite were going to be EXPOSED!

Clemens: I don't know nuttin' about that Mr. Eskin.

Eskin: My father's Mr. Eskin, just call me Howard.

Clemens: Ok Howard. I don't appreciate you belittling me like a retarded mentally handicapped person.

Eskin: Well, come to the table with something better you nitwit. You tell us your friend misremembered something that several other people corroborated it. You say you didn't know about the report, but your flunkie was on TAPE. How can you expect us to think you didn't know about it?

Clemens: I wasn't told by my people about it.

Eskin: But, he was on tape representing you! Now, why did you bring your nanny to your house before this hearing? What's wrong with you? You were witness tampering weren't you RO-GER.

Clemens: No I was not. I was trying to help you all out.

Eskin: Help this out genius. You must think I'm stupid don't you.

Clemens: No I do not. I just want to get my story straight.

Eskin: Get your story straight. It's more crooked than John Street you dope! Now, explain to us why you didn't have the team doctor inject B12-as you say into your ass.

Clemens: I thought Brian was a real legitimate doctor. He told me he had a PHD.

Eskin: You could have a PHD in Philosophy theoretically. Does that mean I'm going to allow some dope with a BS degree like that operate on me?

Clemens: Sir?

Eskin: Does that mean I'll have some dope with a PHD in philosophy operate on me? Answer the question.

Clemens: Depends if he told you he had a PHD in medicine or not.

Eskin: I can't take it. You can't even answer a simple friggin' question! Beat it! Beat it you moron! Get him out of my sight. That's all I have for him. Give my other 7 minutes to somebody else. I can't take it anymore. And, get that friggin' ambulance chaser Rusty Hardin out of here to. I feel like I need to take a shower being in the same room with you, you're so filthy! Beat it punk!

And, thus concludes Rep. Eskin's questions for Roger Clemens.

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