Imagine this, Tyrone Biggums, the infamous crackhead is a talking head. He and Stephen A Smith are going at it on ESPN during one of their "filler segments."
They wouldn't have a whole lot to argue about though since it's been a slow news week in Philly. The biggest news was the Eagles re-signing L.J. Smith.
Stephen A: Why in the world would the Eagles franchise L.J. Smith? He was worrying about his contract all season long and didn't deliver one bit. He was a flat out bum. And, now they franchise him and he's already complaining about his money!
Tyrone: Y'know the motherf****rs couldn't git into da end zone all f***ing season long. When they got into there, they was like a motherf***a who just smoked a lot of sherm and hit a couple 40's of Hurricane. They need a cat to go down the middle of the field and be a threat. L.J. Smith if the cat is healthy can fly with the best motherf****rs in the game. And, if they didn't re-sign his ass, they wouldn't be able to get nobody on the open market.
Stephen A: That is quite an analysis Tyrone. Unfortunately you dropped more f-bombs than Michael Vick after he got sentenced. Moving along. How are the Eagles gonna compete with the Giants next season? The Giants have Michael Strahan, Osi Yumenyiora, and Jason Tuck. The Eagles have Trent Cole and two broken down bottom feeders in Jevon Kearse and Darren Howard.
Tyrone: Like my boy Jerome tells me down the way, if you got strong dogs you bread them sh**s together so you git some more strong dogs. But, if you got one dog with nobody to breed with it's just gonna be f****g your couch.
Stephen A: Tyrone, what the hell are you talking about?
Tyrone: Either they need to be bringing some new dogs in the stable through that draft, or they gotta trade for a new one, cuz they got one dude out there playing with himself.
Stephen A: Well said, Tyrone. I was hoping your brains still had something left. But, who are they gonna draft? And, if they draft somebody you know they won't play, cuz the Eagles always redshirt their rookies. The Eagles franchise is on the way down and I don't see them getting back up, because like all Philly teams they choke and they fall down and stay down for a LONG time.
Tyrone: Hey Stephen what do you think about that s**t the other night with the Flyers playing like a buch of strung out crackheads when they honored Ron Hextall.
Stephen A: That's nothing new in Philly Tyrone. I was there when they lost the final game at the Vet. I was there when the Phillies lost the final game at the Vet. And, I was there when they honored the '83 Sixers team and Dr. J and lost. They always lose when they honor a great team or a hero.
Tyrone: Yeah. No s**t.
Stephen A: Then, what you ask me for?
Tyrone: I'm trying to keep the flow going here man.
Stephen: Tyrone, about the only thing you're keeping moving is the stench throughout this studio. You need to take a shower!
Tyrone: A shower no good for my skin. I'm ashy enuff as it is.
Stephen A: Tyrone! What are you doing?
Tyrone Biggums starts lighting up his crackpipe on the set.
Stephen A: Cut to commercial! That's all we got folks, you've been watching Sportscenter, and our segment called "Focus." I'm Stephen A Smith.
Tyrone: And, I'm Tyrone Biggums and smoke it if you got it!
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