Imagine for a second that everybody's favorite boss from TV, Michael Scott on NBC's "The Office" were running the show for the Phillies and Eagles.
What would he have to say for himself this week with the Mets trading for Santana? Or, after the Phillies scooped up (no pun intended) defensive stalwart Pedro Feliz to play third base. Or, what would he have to say about Brian Westbrook and Jon Runyan joining forces with McNabb in asking for some help.
First off, here's Michael Scott's reaction to the Mets getting Santana, while on the phone with the Daily News' Bill Conlin.
Conlin: Michael, you guys are clearly not going to be the team to beat now that the Mets pulled off this coup.
Michael: Are you kidding me Bill? He's only going to be out there every 5th day. Heck, some of his starts might even be rained out and then he gets bumped back another 5 days. Or, he could be scheduled to pitch against us and there's a rain out.
Conlin: Michael, if the game is rained out he just pitches the next day.
Michael: Not if it's the third game against us.
Conlin: So, you're banking on rain outs?
Michael: Hey listen Bill, you let me run the ballclub and you can sit there and hypothesize and theorize about how the Mets are all of a sudden better than us, which they're not. We have J Roll, Howard, Utley, Cole Hamels, Brett Myers. I'll take my troops over there's any day of the week. And, we just pulled off a serious move by getting Pedro Feliz. His addition makes us a World Series threat.
Conlin: Can I quote you on that?
Michael: Yeah! And, I want you to also say I said to Omar Minaya he can kiss my ass because I've yet to get that Keith Hernandez autographed jersey in the mail.
Conlin: You want me to put that in my column.
Michael: Yes.
Conlin: Ok, we'll see.
And, the busiest man in pro sports Michael Scott also happens to be the GM of the Eagles, much like former Trailblazers and Seahawks exec Bob Whitsitt. Here's Michael sitting down with Brian Westbrook and discussing B West's comments this week about playmakers being needed.
B West: Hey Michael, I guess you heard about my comments.
Michael: No, what did you say?
B West: Don't you watch TV?
Michael: No, Brian some of us have lives. I was catching up on season four of The Wire since the new season just came out.
B West: Oh, you're down with The Wire.
Michael: You know it homey. I'm the coolest white boy boss on this side of the ocean.
B West: Ah, ok. I'd hate to ruin the latest episode then when Prop Joe died.
Michael: He died?
B West: Sad to say.
Michael: All s**t!
B West: Anyway, I wanted to tell you that I wasn't trying to trash my team mates when I said I agreed with Donovan.
Michael: Oh, no of course not.
B West: But, Michael between you and me, we need to get some better s**t on this team. If I gotta watch Reno Mahe takes punts for another year I'm gonna f**k with you all and hold out.
Michael: You can't do that, you're under contract.
B West: Look man, I'm the whole offense. I can put this team under.
Michael: I'll talk to Fletcher about that.
B West: I already told him. And, don't be putting Sean Considine out there no more. He's a bitch. The dude makes Pee Wee Herman look like Mike Tyson.
Michael: You mean he changes colors?
B West: Huh? Are you hearing me Michael? You need to get some more talent on this team. The fans aint trying to hear that 8 and 8 BS and we aint trying to hear it either. The natives are getting restless Michael.
Michael: Are you guys going to riot?
B West: We might.
Michael: Awww, come on man! Don't do me like this.
B West: Michael, you know we cool, but if you don't get us some help, it's your ass.
Michael: So, no more Reno Mahe.
B West: Hell no.
Michael: And, no more Considine.
B West: Nope. And, get rid of Jevon, he's stealing money. He's my boy and all, but he lost it.
Michael: Ok. It's a deal.
B West: My man.
And, that's how the wheels were set into motion to improve the Eagles this off-season.
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