Getting The Message?

Sixers lay an egg after Mo Cheeks' speech on Saturday



Mo Cheeks reportedly delivered a message to the Sixers at practice on Saturday after an ugly loss to Boston on Friday night.

The players pulled a George Costanza and did the exact opposite of what he told them to do in taking a dump in yesterday's 103-92 defeat.

"I just try to do the opposite of whatever the coach says to us. If he says to go high, I go low. If he says to go into the paint, I try to run out of bounds", said Samuel Dalembert.

A few players on the Sixers have nicknamed Dalembert the preying mantis because he resembles one when he handles the ball on offense.

"That's cool man if they think I look like a praying mantis. I don't give a s**t. I just go out there and play. Sure, I'm making three times amount of money player like me should make, but I didn't put gun to they heads to pay me. I tell agent, make 'em pay me. He did so they pay me", Dalembert acknowledged as he was programming songs into his iPod at his locker.

Mo Cheeks is losing his mind watching the players make fundamental mistakes and he can't take it anymore.

"There's an old saying where I come from. You can't teach a dog how to take a s**t. You can't try to reach up the dog's a** to pull it out. You just gotta hope the dog can learn how to do that on it's own. Dribbling a motherf***ing basketball, passing the f***ing ball, and manning up on D is some fundamental s**t. If these guys can't do that, then why am I even coaching?", said Mo Cheeks.

Elton Brand was all smiles after the game though. Brand said, "I'm just glad I'm out of that s**thead franchise in LA. I mean, I came here for the money, but what player isn't doing this for the money? I'm just glad I got paid and now I can just ride this out and hope the team doesn't take a complete s**t this year."

The Sixers are now 7-10, last in their division and showing as much life as the zombies from Night of the Living Dead. The only thing more excruciating to watch than their horrific defense is the inept decision-making of Andre Miller, coupled with Dalembert's failures on offense. What has to boggle even a casual observer's mind is why Dalembert is being given more looks on offense.

Back to the drawing board Mo.

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Plexiglass Burress turns himself in to the cops

Idiotic Giants receiver, Plexico Burress, who did his best impersonation of the character Cheddar from 8-Mile in shooting himself in the thigh, has turned himself into the police today.

Lost in all of this suspension talk is the real issue at hand and it's 3 1/2 as in 3 1/2 years, which is how many years in prison Burress is looking at for failing to carry a concealed weapons permit.

The penalty for violating this law is felony and the 3 1/2 years is without exception.

Burress has retained the services of high-profile defense attorney Benjamin Braffman who has defended mobsters.

An anonymous client of Braffman's had this to offer us. "If I were Burress, I wouldn't worry too much. Braffman knows the right people and he'll find some sort of loophole to get Burress off. And, if that doesn't work, he'll have the evidence tainted by the right guy. It worked for me when I whacked my brother in law for f***ing my wife. I couldn't eat for a week and then I got the call that the evidence got "fixed" and I was a free man", said the anonymous client of Braffman's.

When we mentioned this to Braffman he had us escorted away from him and shouted some obscenities at us.

Whether or not Burress plays this season should be irrelevant because the Giants are 11-1 and have done it largely without their so-called star wide receiver. They have arguably the best offensive line in football, their run to pass ratio is nearly 50/50, and their defense has been fantastic.