Phils After Lowe

Phillies and a mystery team make offer to Lowe



Word on the street is that the Phillies and a "mystery team" have made offers to Derek Lowe.

We at Phillypurge.com have figured out who that mystery team is.

It's not even a team in Major League Baseball. Nope. The Yomiuri Giants made a lucrative offer to Lowe in the range of $80 million over 4 years and partial ownership in their team.

An unidentified spokesperson for the Yomiuri Group, which owns the Yomiuri Giants said the following, "We're offering Lowe the real money. We offer him f**k you money. We want to give big f**k you to Major League Baseball and especially the Phillies. Bud Selig can suck on my b**s two times after this!"

Now apparently a darkhorse has entered the Derek Lowe sweepstakes. We're talking about Hugo Chavez, the president of Venezuela. Chavez has reportedly flown Lowe into Venezuela and is hoping to lure him to the Venezuelan Baseball league in hopes of raising the league's international profile.

"Nothing would bring more joy to me than to see Derek Lowe become the new face of Venezuelan baseball. Well, that and for Dick Cheney to have a stroke", said Chavez as he enjoyed a prime rib steak.

Now, if the Phillies can outbid the other suitors it would give them a formidable rotation with Hamels and Myers at the top, with Lowe as the number three starter. Blanton would be the four. And, there would be a myriad of possibilities at the fifth spot ranging from Jamie Moyer (if he re-signs), Kyle Kendrick, J.A. Japp, or Carlos Carrasco.

As of yet, no big-name players have signed anywhere. All eyes are still on C.C. Sabathia because the player's association is pressuring players to wait until the highest paid players sign so they can set the market.

Don't you just love the player's union? It's bad enough that you have the Scott BorASSes of the world ruining the game, then you have the union basically holding players hostage.

At the rate they're giving money away in baseball, the MLB.com store is going to have to blow out a lot of merchandise to keep up. By the way, raise your hand if you're annoyed with their incessant emails about the so-called "blow out specials" and the buy one get one free specials. I took a look at their "blow out special" today and the only buy one get one free items which are eligible are complete junk. Sure, I just can't contain myself with the excitement I have of being able to purchase a Chris Carpenter bobblehead doll for 15 bucks. I wonder if it's arm falls off like his in real life.

Good luck with that.