Friday, January 11, 2008

Weekly Wrap-Up

A lot in the news this week. Everything from McNabb finally speaking up in public to the front office, to Roger Clemens' bizarre press conference, to the fraudulent Ohio State team getting blown out by LSU, to Bobby Clarke defending thuggery. The perfect guy to handle the wrap-up is the character Joe Cabot from Reservoir Dogs.



Who can forget Lawrence Tierney's portrayal of "The Boss" from this classic movie, which happened to be Quentin Tarantino's directorial debut in 1992.

Let's see how Joe Cabot would handle the Eagles' situation if he were in Lurie's shoes.

Banner: I think McNabb is getting a little out of hand by questioning us Joe. I think it's time to trade him.

Cabot: We aint trading nobody. This aint a goddamn f***ing city council meeting.

Banner: Well, I do think he should be reprimanded at least.

Cabot: Not gonna happen. Mr. Green is staying in Eagles green. And, for now on you're Mr. Pink.

Banner: Why do I have to be Mr. Pink? Why not Mr. Black, since I save a lot of money?

Cabot: Somebody else is Mr. Black, you're Mr. Pink.

Banner: Why?

Cabot: Because you're a faggot alright! You're Mr. Pink.

***Roger Clemens' bizarre press conference****

Let's imagine if Cabot were the head of Clemens' legal team. You gotta like the charm Clemens' lawyer showed at the press conference, but nobody can compete with Cabot.

Clemens: Joe, I think I'm up s**t's creek without a paddle. Nobody is gonna buy that 19-minute tape. We really don't have proof that he's lying.

Cabot: Are you kidding me? The little c**ksucker obviously sung to the feds and made the story up to save his ass. He was going to jail if he didn't give up a big name and that's you. And, if he gets caught for lying, which he will, he's going to the joint.

Clemens: But, we don't have proof!

Cabot: You don't need proof when you got instinct!

Clemens: Tell that to a court of law.

Cabot: F**k the law. We're gonna pay those c**ksuckers off and this will be water under the damn.

Clemens: My legacy is hanging in the balance Joe.

Cabot: Calm down. We're gonna pay them off, you can take a trip, and we'll keep these media and congress f***s off your tail. Relax. Now, let's get to work.

****Bobby Clarke's defense of goonery****

Cabot: What a way to tell these pussies Bobby. I'm sick of them trying to f**k up hockey by making it PG-13. That's like putting black bars over a broads knockers and carpet in a porno flick.

Bobby: I love the way you talk.

Cabot: Good man Bobby.

***The Phillies still doing nothing***

Now, lets fantasize that Joe Cabot is one of the Phillies owners and prodding Dave Montgomery. Ah, we can dream can't we.

Dave Montgomery: Joe, I know you want to speak up, but the bottom line is they put me place to make the decisions and you guys are silent partners.

Cabot: Silent my ass. If you don't start making some moves Montgomery, you'll be floating in the f***ing Schkuykill with the f***Ing muskies you rat bastard.

Montgomery is stupified.

Cabot: What? You got nothing to say to that. I think I might just call you Mr. Pink.

Montgomery: But, I thought that was Banner's name.

Cabot: No, it's yours now. You're Mr. Pink. You proved it time and again for the last 23 f***ing years. And, that's a long time buddy boy. I'm so pissed off at you I can hardly think. Get your ass out of my site until you pull that wallet out of your pockets and spend some money and get a real f***ing third baseman and a real f***ing starter in here.

Montgomery: Yes sir.

Cabot snorts and looks at Montgomery in disgust.

That's all for this week folks!

And, in other news Steve Odabashian, also known as the Andy Reid impersonator, got some ink. You might know him from the Eagles pregame shows on Channel 3 with CBS' Bob Kelly.

In case you don't know, Steve is a hell of a piano player. He's also a former attorney, stock broker, and many other things. He's a hell of a talented guy needless to say.

Here is the link to the article in Today's Metro.

Steve plays piano every Friday from 5:00 to 8:30 PM at Cascamorto on 1939 Arch St. in Philly. And, he doesn't play any piano. He plays anything from Biz Markie to heavy metal and rock.

Congrats on the ink Steve!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

F'in classic! Joe Cabot MADE that movie.

And, Dave Montgomery needs to go! He's killing baseball in this town!!!